Thursday 11 February 2016

Make Him Want You AttractionDatingDating Advice

So you’ve made eye contact with that attractive man from across the room, but how do you make him want you? Though you may say that you will never be desirable to men, you are just letting your insecurities speak for you. Any woman can appear desirable – no matter her hair color, height, figure, skin tone, or facial structure. Instead, it relies on your body language, personality and attitude! By following these helpful tips, you will have him wanting you in no time!

The first step is to ooze confidence, because he will be able to pick up on it from a distance. Ignore your insecurities and focus on all of your great attributes. Doing this will make you feel good about yourself and will ultimately put you in a better mood. If you are happy with yourself and your life, people will be able to sense it because your body language will appear open and approachable.

Being approachable is essential for making him want you. If you stand in a corner with your arms crossed, you look uncomfortable and unhappy – therefore, you are unapproachable. No matter how beautiful you are, he will be intimidated by you for fear of you giving him the cold shoulder. He still may want you, but you will never know because he will not come up to you and strike up a conversation. By using proper body language, he will see that you are open for conversation and will approach you.

When he does decide to come over to talk to you, make sure to be interesting. Contribute to the conversation and be fun to talk to. If you are boring, he will not want you. Do not be afraid to flirt; in fact, flirting is essential in this situation. Make him feel good about himself and he will want to be in your company at all times.

Looking to Turn Your Boyfriend On?

Attraction
Dating
Dating Advice

So you’re looking to turn your boyfriend on. This is a common concern that many women have. They know that their man likes them, but what’s the best way to turn up the heat.

#1. Sneak up behind him.

He’ll love it if you come up from behind and grab his member just like he does. Then whisper naughty secrets in his ear and he’ll be yours forever.

#2. Get on top of him.

Whenever you look through the magazines, you always find this suggestion at the top. Take the lead in your sex lives and begin the foreplay by straddling him. Guys love it and if you’re looking to turn him on…this is one way to do it.

#3. Talk Dirty

There isn’t a guy I know who doesn’t love it when women talk dirty. Every man loves this kind of sensual talk. Give it to him and watch as he can’t stay away from you.

With these three tips, you’ll be on your way to turning your boyfriend on. If all else fails, get naked. A guy can never resist a naked girl. Once he sees your assets, he’ll want to play. After all, he is YOUR boyfriend, and he definitely likes you.

Does he like me?

Attraction
Dating
Dating Advice

Does he like me? -> Girls ask this question, all over the world, in hushed whispers to their girlfriends. Why do we feel the need to know if a guy likes us? It’s simple. We want to know if he’s going to ask us out.

The problem with today’s world is that so many guys are afraid to ask women out. They fear rejection and so they try to figure out if the girl likes them. Or worse, they don’t ask. The only way that I’ve found to remedy this situation is to let a guy know that you are interested in them. Don’t make it too obvious, don’t ask the guy out, or make yourself an easy date. Just flirt enough to let them know that you might be interested. It can help that shy guy overcome his nerves and ask you out.

Remember middle school? All of the, “I heard from Tony who heard from Lisa who heard from Michelle that Aaron likes you.” You’d think that this would fade away as we grow older, but it just isn’t so. That guy is most likely just as nervous as he’s ever been. So if you find yourself interested in a guy, don’t latch on to him or encourage yourself to fantasize over dating him. Just acknowledge that you are interested. He’s a “maybe” and be sure that he knows he is.

Drawn to Another Girl

Attraction
Relationships

I get a lot of questions about men who are, “drawn to another girl.” By that, I mean a girl who isn’t the one they are currently having a relationship with. These men contact me and ask me for advice about whether or not they should pursue this girl or stay in their current relationship. It’s quite the dilemma. What to do?

First, it’s important to note that you will always be attracted to other woman. She’ll be attracted to other men. And that’s okay. It isn’t okay to have strong romantic feelings for another person.

When they say that they are drawn to another girl, I always ask the “why” question. WHY?

Is it because you think she’s attractive and that’s it – or do you feel like you might want a relationship with her? If you consider leaving your current girlfriend, then you need to consider how much that relationship means to you. For this other girl, you’re thinking of leaving. That says more about your current relationship than it does about how you feel for this random girl.

Say she isn’t random? Say you’ve known her for a while and you’re falling more and more for her. Then it’s a bit different. You may feel that she could be “the one” even. If you feel that you are compatible and you feel strongly about her, then maybe you should go for it. If she’s all that you can think about, then regardless of whether or not you go for this girl, you need to let your current girlfriend go. It isn’t fair or just to stay in a relationship with someone that you are not fully committed to. If it’s an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, then there needs to be commitment. If you can only think of another, you won’t be committed.

Think of your current relationship and it’s value to you. Think of this other girl and her value to you. Think of your future. Think of the present moment. No matter your decision – make sure that you’ve thought it through carefully.

Stay Calm Even When She Melts Your Heart

Attraction
Dating
Dating Advice
Relationships

In “500 Days of Summer,” we see a man meet a woman. And he falls. Madly in love.

Stay Calm Even When She Melts Your Heart

You may not have had this exact experience in your life, but I’m guessing that everyone has experienced nerves with certain women. They just steal your heart. You’d love to ask them out, but you start to panic. You can barely say anything. You’re in awe. A bit dumbfounded.

How do you avoid that?

The first thing to remember is that she isn’t any more special than you are. She’s a person. So are you. It’s great to be chivalrous and behave like a gentlemen. However, you don’t need to treat her like a queen. It only makes her think that you must think she’s out of your league. No need for that.

Next, try not to worry. Don’t focus on all of the things that you should be doing: smiling, having confidence, charming, saying just the right thing, etc. Let all of that go. Don’t force expectations upon yourself. Just be yourself! In the end, you want to be with a girl who likes you for who you are. So show her who you are. I’ve often noticed that I strike up the best rapport with girls I’m not interested in, just because I’m not so nervous. I always think – if only I could do this with someone I wanted to date. I can and you can. Just let it happen naturally.

Breathe. This is an obvious one and may seem kind of silly, but it’s a big help. If you just relax and take deep breaths, your body will actually send calming signals to your brain. This will help you stay clear and keep your nerves from becoming overwhelming.

Lastly, focus on her. Ask her questions about herself and be genuinely interested. Then you won’t have as much time to concentrate on your nerves. Instead, you’ll be concentrating on her!

When He’s In Your Dreams

Attraction
Dating
Dating Advice
Love

When he’s in your dreams, it can become a problem in terms of your productivity. Sure, it’s nice to be in that “honeymoon stage” and enjoy the “puppy love,” but it can cause problems at the office or at school.

The best way to keep those thoughts at bay, are to focus on three rules:

#1. I can dream about him at specific times.

Don’t try to shut him out of your mind completely. He won’t go! Whenever you try not to think about something, it only makes it worse. Acknowledge that you’re thinking about this guy, and then let it go. Set up specific times throughout the day where you allow yourself to have twenty minutes to think about him.

#2. Spend time with him

Don’t let all of your time be spent fantasizing about this guy. If he’s so great, go be with him!

#3. Keep the dreamy attitude to yourself.

It’s okay to let him know that you’ve been thinking about him. It’s great to let him know that you care about him. However, many girls go WAY overboard. Guys hate it when girls spend the first and last twenty minutes of every date talking about their mushy, sappy, love crush. I’m assuming that you haven’t been in the relationship for a long time, and puppy love may turn into true love, but it isn’t yet. So take this kind of talk and shove it. Focus on getting to know each other better, enjoying spending time together, and showing him that you care rather than telling him.

If you follow these three rules, you’ll be more productive at work or at school. You’ll also feel better about the time you do spend together.

How to Be That Guy Every Girl Wants

Attraction
Dating Advice

You want to be the guy that rides off into the sunset with the girl. You want to be the guy that gets the date. This is how to be that guy that every girl wants.

Magnetic. Attractive. On point. These are words that describe that guy that every girl wants. You want to be that guy. You want to win and get the girl that will complete your life. In fact, you want the girl that will add to an already complete life. You see, girls want winners.

A man is supposed to be in control of his own destiny and life. Men work hard and then come home and play hard. The woman is supposed to bring life into that scenario, and she wants to find the right man to do that. You can be that man, but you have to get your mind in gear. It’s an inner game.

If you’ve ever tried to pick a woman, you’ve encountered that feeling of failure when she says, “No, thanks.” How do you change that into a “Sure” or “I’d love to?” It may not sound possible, but it is. It all depends on the way in which you approach women, but also in the way you present yourself.

How do I approach her?

When approaching a woman, keep it simple. The goofy pick-up lines rarely work and the over-the-top mushy love messages don’t work either. Be simple. Tell her you love her smile or the way that her eyes sparkle. Then ask if you could take her out on a date. If she says no, don’t worry. Move on. However, don’t be that guy that walks around the club asking every girl in sight. You won’t get her that way.

How to be that guy that every girl wants. Does that sound nice? Believe it or not, it’s possible.

Show her that you like yourself. Be confident. Have personality. Take care of your body. In a nutshell, these are the qualities that girls want to see. If you present yourself as someone who has these things, she’ll be interested in dating you immediately.

A girl is looking for someone to share life with. That is a woman’s main concern. She is not interested in someone that is not at their core not interested in living life. If you are overweight, depressed, and have low self esteem, then she cannot see herself having a positive life experience with you. The only thing that can come of it is a dependent relationship.

How can a guy who isn’t all that get the girl?

Many times, men who aren’t the most attractive or who do not have the best bodies, are able to win over the most beautiful girl because they exemplify these traits. They like themselves enough to be confident, but they aren’t arrogant. They remain normal, down-to-earth and approachable. They have a personality, whether they are funny or serious, quiet or outspoken. These men know who they are and they share that with the world. That’s what makes them interesting and that’s how to be that guy that every girl wants.

You can be you. Just be the best version of you. As Emerson once said, “Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”

Make Her Want You

Attraction
The Honeymoon Stage

Most men take a laid-back approach to dating and then they wonder why women never want them. It’s simple: If you want her, make her want you. Women will fawn over you if you know what to do and how to behave. Let her get to know you and let that be enough for her to fall head over heels.

Confidence. You don’t need to be the bad boy, the gentleman or the fitness fanatic. You just need to be confident in who you are and what you have to offer as a partner.

Personality. You don’t need to be extroverted, introverted, shy, quiet, loud, outspoken, funny, serious or intelligent. You just need to be YOU. Sharing your personality and having opinions make you someone worth getting to know. Nothing is more annoying or frustrating than the guy who is flat. He isn’t seen as balanced. He’s seen as boring.

Dress to Impress. No designer brands necessary, but try to dress for your body type. Choose outfits that look good on you. It’s okay if you want to dress casual, I’m not saying you have to wear Armani suits. I’m merely saying that it’s best if you wear things that showcase your assets and hide your flaws.

Health. It’s true, this is one area that most people want to gloss over, but it’s important. Take care of your health. Those teeth and gums, brush them. That hair, style it. Your body, make it the best that it can be. Take an active role in your fitness and your health. You don’t need to be perfect or a Ryan Gosling, but you should be taking care of your body.

If you follow these simple steps, you’ll be someone that women find interesting and attractive. You’ll be someone that they want. It’s always easier to approach women when you know that they are more likely to be interested in dating you. Following this advice will help you land that coveted ideal.

In the Same Room, but So Far Away

Attraction
Boring Relationships

Your partner feels distant…how do you get that connection back? Well, the answer is chemistry!

Here’s a letter I received from a long time reader:

Dear Ryan,

I’ve lost all chemistry with my boyfriend! It seems like we are not in sync like we were when our relationship first started. I cannot get in touch with his feelings anymore. Life is so robotic. It’s cold, and I can’t take it anymore! It’s like we’re in the same room, but he’s so far away. This loneliness is getting to me. What should I do Ryan? I need help right away!

Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship that isn’t working but there doesn’t seem to be any reason why. Perhaps you’re together a fair amount, you talk, and to anyone else you both look happy. What happens when one of you is happy, but the other isn’t?

It isn’t always obvious why some relationships fall apart on one side only. Your date is still enthralled with you, but you’ve lost interest.

Connection. Chemistry.

The chemistry in our relationships is the glue that binds us. We need it. It’s relationship oxygen. We all are searching for a connection with others and you must have this with your boyfriend or girlfriend. If you’re going to be happy, you need to have a strong, deep, and fulfilling connection with them.

Everyone gets lonely at various points in their lives, but you shouldn’t feel lonely all of the time. When he or she is with you, you shouldn’t feel as though no one is present. If you feel this way, you need to determine why you do and make a decision about the future of your relationship.

Don’t question things too deeply!

Is it because you’ve had a rough day or something went wrong at work? Or is it because of a lack of connection with one another?

Lasting relationships have a strong, deep, and fulfilling connection at their core. If this is something that you are lacking, then you need to consider terminating your relationship with your partner. If you are thinking long-term, then you need someone who understands you and can be privy to your world. Don’t shut him or her out, but if they don’t understand then find someone else who does. Don’t spend all of your days in the same room, but so far away.

Long lasting relationships take a lot of work. Often, you’ll see the passion fade over time. But what if there was a way to get back those initial sensual feelings and keep them for good? Watch my FREE video presentation to see how…CLICK HERE to check out the video while you still can…

Win Back My Wife

Question: I want to win back my wife. We’ve been really distant lately and I want her to know that she’s still the person I want to be with. I just worry that she won’t listen. I worry that I’ve lost her. I’m pretty stubborn and I don’t know what to say, I have a hard time saying anything. What should I do?

Answer: When you are looking at finding ways to “win back my wife,” I want you to consider what you haven’t been doing.

Have you been complimenting her? I don’t mean fake compliments. I mean real, honest, genuine compliments. Find something compelling to say and say it. It will make her feel good and remind her that you’re still there. You still find her attractive and you still love all of her idiosyncrasies as well as her personality.

Another thing that I would ask you to look at, is the time you spend together. This is crucial. You may need to spend more time with her. Maybe you’re always off doing your own thing or you’re involved in a lot of outside activities. Find a way to make her feel special. Find a way to make her feel loved.

However, you may be spending too much time with her. Have you given her space to breathe? To pursue her own interests? It’s important that you allow her to do her own thing as well. It’s good for couples to have some activities that they do on their own. It’s healthy for you to spend time apart as well as together. Don’t suffocate her or she will be less likely to stay.

Regardless of what choices you need to make and what behaviors you need to alter, it’s important that you do so with her in mind. Listen to what she’s asking for and give it to her.

Wednesday 10 February 2016

The Adventures of SingleGirl in 3-D

CBN.com The single life is only as charmed as you make it. I learned early on that the only way to survive without a man is to live a life that appears as though you don’t need one. I like to think I accomplished this with a grain of success. I work hard, have fun, entertain great friends, and pay my bills mostly on time. I get my brothers to move heavy furniture and my roommate to kill any spiders. All my bases are covered.

However, most days it’s still not enough.

One night I was venting to a friend about the utter agony of RSVPing for one to yet another wedding. I asked her, “I’m cute, smart, and funny. Why can’t I get a date?”

She responded, “I’ve been asking myself that same question for the last five years.”

That’s when it hit me. I am not alone – not by far. When I think about it, I can name several wonderful, eligible, financially stable, good-looking, intelligent, funny, outgoing women who haven’t had real dates since the Clinton administration. They out-number my married friends.

No one’s perfect and all these girls have their quirks but overall, I’m talking about real Proverbs 31 women here. They can do anything… except find love. The lack of male attention even causes some of these fine sisters to doubt their worth. For others, I’ve seen the desperation drive them to make horrible decisions that went beyond settling to scraping the bottom of the gene pool for a date.

The next morning this disturbing trend was still on my mind. As I made my breakfast, I noticed a pair of paper and plastic 3-D glasses on the counter from a movie I saw with my niece. In lieu of a sold-out Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, we caught a cheap showing of The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D. I chuckled to myself as I remembered feeling old in the theater because the special effects gave me a headache. But then the Lord pointed out an interesting plot twist (and for those who still want to see the film, I warn you: major spoiler ahead).

Lavagirl was the fabulous heroine du jour with the super hero powers of … you guessed it, lava. She could shoot it from her hands and incinerate anything in her path. And she could fly. She was “super cool”, according to my niece.

Yet Lavagirl was not happy. She didn’t know who she was and was constantly searching for her true identity. All that cool lava-throwing was more of a curse than a blessing. No one could touch her without getting singed. Her hair would catch on fire if she got too angry. She couldn’t hold anyone or let anyone hold her. Also, while it was obvious that she was one of the good guys, her destructive powers made her wonder if she was really meant for evil.

Her frustration hit a breaking point. In the middle of her journey, she shakes her fist angrily at her creator and yells, “Why did you make me out of lava?” This so-called super power wasn't good for anyone -- least of all her.

Later in the film, her creator reveals that Lavagirl was not bad at all. She wasn’t evil or destructive. She wasn’t just fire; she was created to be a light. When she realized her true purpose, she used her lava to illuminate the world. The darkness was dispelled, the bad guy driven out, and the day was saved.

Nice kids movie, I thought, but God showed me that His unmarried daughters are little Lavagirls.

From the very beginning, God loved us and made us to look just like Him (Genesis 1:26). David realized this and called himself “fearfully and wonderfully made” by his God in Psalms 139:14. Jeremiah 1:5 reads, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart.”

We were born a designer original, created with special attention to detail. Then every day He orders our steps to perfect us as we grow . He was there, from when you said your first words to when you gave your first speech. While the persistence of singlehood may be a mystery to you, God had it in mind all along.

We lament the gift inside of us, wondering why it sets us apart. Yet, we don’t realize that the one thing that makes us different is our greatest asset. What appears to be a hindrance is actually a blessing.

A single life in 3-D means taking every opportunity to live. Move to the city you've always wanted to live in. Grab your friends and go on a vacation (trust me, your girlfriends are much more fun than three kids). Give yourself totally to a ministry and watch God bless hundreds, possibly thousands, through your giving. Forget your budget for once and splurge on that perfect black dress you saw in the window.

In a nutshell, live your life.

We were singled out for a purpose. So, if we are our Master’s creation and our Master never makes mistakes, then we must have all we need. We have the goods to be anything that He’s created us to be – even light.

Unhappily Ever After

Todd: Nobody consciously thinks, Boy, I reckon I’m gonna look for a non-Christian to date today. Instead, the temptation to lower our standards sneaks up on us quietly. And the temptation can be brought on for a variety of reasons. For my friend Amber, for instance, it was watching her best friend and younger sister get married (both to wonderful Christian husbands) and start families. She doubted God’s plan for her and began dating more aggressively to hurry up her own trip to the altar. So when Steve asked her out, her attraction to him—and the idea that he could be her husband someday—far outweighed the serious effect of his beliefs on her faith journey.

Temptation to date a non-Christian can take many forms. Maybe she has looser standards for sexual activity than Christian women. Maybe you just really like her. Or maybe you just see no Christian options. If non-Christians are showing interest when Christians either aren’t or aren’t around, it can be hard to resist. I mean, if you’re getting no results in your search, it seems sensible to drop the one stipulation that’s narrowing your potential pool, right?

This rationalization is exacerbated by lots of easy excuses that remind me of the secular dating book He’s Just Not That Into You. The book features letters from women in awful dating relationships using various excuses to explain that their misbehaving boyfriends really do care for them. “But my situation is different,” they say. And one by one, the authors shoot down the letters, explaining, “Nope, he’s just not that into you.”

When it comes to dating non-Christians, we also often tell ourselves, “But this isdifferent!” For each excuse though, it seems like the Bible has a response, saying, “Nope, that relationship’s just not right for you.” Some examples of these excuses:

“But we love each other.” My friend Dan married a non-Christian several years ago. They love each other very much, but Dan quickly realized many hardships would stem from the fact that his wife will never really understand his faith.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul warns believers by writing, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (6:14). Paul doesn’t say love can’t exist between a believer and a nonbeliever, but what Paul observes is that a believer and a nonbeliever cannot ever really understand each other. How can we expect a person who walks with Christ to be understood by someone who doesn’t even know him?

Dan knows this too well. Not only will his wife not share in eternal life, but their differences trickle down to practical matters as well. When facing a problem, they can’t rely on prayer together. When Dan is busy volunteering at his church, his wife is less than understanding. In addition, many arguments have started over the amount of Dan’s annual tithes. She just doesn’t understand the most important thing in his life.

“But he respects my faith.” A committed Baptist, my high school friend Jessica had heard the “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers” verse in 2 Corinthians dozens of times. But when she began dating Dominick, a non-Christian, she told friends it was OK because he believed in a higher power and was very interested in the supernatural. She argued that his interest and respect for people with devout beliefs was good enough to combat 2 Corinthians 6’s warnings that they’d have no common ground.

But slowly, Dominick’s intimate and intense influence on Jessica began to reshape her long-held convictions. He did believe in a god but had no commitment to him. So when I learned they were sleeping together, I was disappointed but not shocked. Paul wrote inthat we need to “purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit.” Letting someone who doesn’t hold our convictions and beliefs into the secret places of our heart surely can wear us down and contaminate the good there.

“But it’s my chance to witness.” My friend Lacey used to talk about her boyfriend Zach as if she had a secret time machine hidden somewhere. She would say, “Once he gets saved, he’ll be the perfect husband.” She acted as if it were a given.

I didn’t really know what to tell Lacey, because I could understand where she was coming from. I once met a non-Christian girl I really liked and quieted my inner warnings by saying, “It will be fine. She’ll become a Christian eventually.” But was my chief concern really the status of her salvation? No, selfish motivations were at play.

Several years ago, a woman named Zen Lee explained in the Columbia Standardwhy she dated only Christians. “I do not trust myself to desire the right things or to have the right motivations,” she wrote. “Maybe 99 percent of the time the motivations behind missionary dating are impure: a need for attention or approval, [sexual desire], desire for companionship, longing to be understood, or a savior-complex. Every Christian should be wary of the secret motivations of the heart.”10

And even if our motivations were purely about a romantic interest’s salvation, missionary dating is a pretty ridiculous strategy. First off, we can’t save anyone—no matter how hard we work at it. It’s God’s call whose heart to work in, not ours. Second, the basic premise of missionary dating is purposeful deception. Do we really want to trick or lure somebody to Christ using our love as bait? I hope not.

Worse than the ineffectiveness of missionary dating is that it actually does the opposite: it hurts our own faith. Like Lacey, we can convince ourselves that everything will be OK once the other person changes. But typically, it’s we who change.

Women may be especially in danger of this trap. In 2000, syndicated religion columnist Terry Mattingly wrote about a study that looked at trends in living together before marriage. In the Journal of Family Issues study, researchers found that “deeply religious men” far less commonly live with a woman before marriage than nonreligious men. However, “deeply religious women” were just as likely to cohabitate as nonreligious women. Why?

“My theory is that women are willing to make sacrifices for their partners, once they have become emotionally attached,” said one of the researchers. “They’re willing to make compromises to try to hang on to the relationship. Men won’t do that. . . . These girls are probably thinking, ‘He’s not perfect. But I love him and I can help him change.’”11

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Luckily, we aren’t alone. God can do mighty things through prayer. And he can also do mighty things through the people he puts around us. I try to take advantage of those trusted friends and family members by being open with my life so they can lend me truth and accountability. I try to be honest with them. And to ask them to look out for me and keep me in prayer. In fact, I have even given some loved ones specific permission to challenge me and question me about dating decisions.

What Not to Tell a Single Woman

CBN.com Stay single long enough and you will surely be the target of all kinds of cliché and unhelpful advice from well-meaning people and even the church. It’s unfortunate but often true that you will probably have to endure some of these “this is why you are still single” statements – whether you asked for such advice or not.

So, as a likewise single sister, let me help you debunk a couple of the most prevalent words of counsel you might encounter and then offer you what I consider the most hope-inspiring truths yet.

You just need to make Jesus your husband.

This concept isn’t wrong in itself. God can act as a husband by providing for, protecting, and cherishing His daughter-in-waiting. And I think it is perfectly fine to let God be God in our lives, while we trust Him for our future mate.

However, where I have problems with this is when this concept becomes inextricably linked to me landing a future husband. The assumption goes like this: If you will really and truly learn to make God your spiritual husband, then God will bring that earthly husband into your life.

Yes, God is a jealous God. Yes, He wants His daughters to place complete faith in Him. He might even desire that you find security and worth in Him before He brings that spouse. That is valid.

But to hear that you are still single because you haven’t made God your husband comes off as sounding more than a bit smug and self-righteous. Please, if you are tempted to give this kind of advice, think before you speak. You could be crushing the spirit of your fellow friend in Christ by saying such a blanket statement.

The single woman wonders, How do I know if I have truly made God my husband? How many years must God play that role in my life before He brings the earthly version? How perfectly must I love God in this type of relationship before I pass the test? It’s all so nebulous. And, secondarily, has the advice giver walked the talk and done the same?

I had a woman tell me this while I stood in a prayer line at church. I was extremely vulnerable at the time and really just needed an “I’m sorry” or “I know this must be hard” and a hug. Then she hit me between the eyes with the “God needs to be your husband” argument. When I told her I had been trying to make God my husband, she questioned my sincerity and offered that perhaps I hadn’t REALLY done that. Perhaps I was still holding on. Maybe I was making an idol of marriage and needed to lay that down. Perhaps I hadn’t truly let go so that God could effectively take that husband role.

But how can someone else know your heart? And what right does that person have to question your relationship with the Lord? When that married woman was waiting for her future spouse, did she truly make God her husband? Some would be lying if they told you yes, so be careful when you hear this advice.

Your future husband will come when you aren’t looking for him.

How many times have you heard this one, ladies? I have personally lost count. Now, to be fair, guys can sense when you are desperate or “on the hunt”. It is true that when you get busy having your own life, you can open yourself up to many possibilities, including relationship. But if you aren’t aware who God is bringing across your path and aware of your circumstances – in other words, if you aren’t looking – you might miss him altogether. So how is that going to help you?

Let me offer a counter-argument that turns this whole philosophy on its head. Consider Ruth in the Bible. She didn’t exactly stop looking for a man. In fact, she looked, she saw, and she pursued – and that was biblical! Boaz became her husband partly because she was bold enough to do as the Lord had asked and go to the man who would become her future husband.

Have you written down and prayed over your list?

Oh, right. So, if I don’t have my edited 30-point or more list of husband traits and character qualities, God’s hands are tied?

I don’t treat God like Santa Claus and bring Him my long list and expect Him to smile at my efforts and take my Prince Charming out of his big, red bag and deliver him to my doorstep. God isn’t a magic maker.

Ultimately, I have learned that I make the ‘list’ so that I can know what things I most desire and need. That way I will be able to recognize those qualities in the flesh when that man shows up.

But there is a catch to this perspective: the assumption that God won’t give me what I want and need until I know what I want and need. Somehow God is dependent on me. But this is putting the cart before the horse.

The second assumption is that we have to know ourselves super, super well, as if that somehow is the key to unlocking our future. Correct me if I am wrong, but God wants us to focus on Him above ourselves. See, sometimes we are blind to the things we truly need and desire until God brings that someone along to help us recognize that.

Look, God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we need for today and for tomorrow, whether that’s financial provision, safety, a home, or a husband we can grow with before we even ask. He knows the desires in our hearts that we are afraid to voice or that are hidden from our consciousness. We as humans are typically short-term thinkers and can’t always know who will be a good choice over the long haul. But God can and does.

Maybe God doesn’t want you to be married.

The underlying view here is that since you aren’t married yet, maybe God isn’t going to honor your heart’s desire. But I beg to differ. Just as much as I think you will KNOW that you have met the person who is meant to be your future husband, I think you will KNOW that God wants you to be single. Both are partly tied into your desires.

If you long for a spouse, I don’t think God gave you the gift of singleness. But neither can anyone else prescribe when God will bring that man into your life. We don’t always have control of that. But in the Word it says that if we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts

God typically doesn’t replace all those original desires you have with something completely different. He does honor the deposit within you. He might change some of those unholy desires through the process of sanctification, but wanting a husband isn’t wrong. You should never be ashamed to want that, even if you are an older single woman.

MY TAKE

It’s all in God’s good time.

OK, you want to know what I think is the best advice? Here it is: God has it all figured out. If I can continue to walk in obedience to Him, He will work it out in His time. If I seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, He will add these things to me . He knows my needs. He wants to fulfill my desire. But I need to trust Him that He has His own timetable, and that as I abide in Him and He in me, He hasn’t forgotten the plan He has for me.

It’s His grace, ultimately, that will cause such things to happen in my life, not my performance. I don’t serve God so that He will bless me with what I want; I serve God because He is Lord. Blessings are secondary. I wait upon Him, not as a timid child realizing I need to add more gold stars to my progress report before God honors my request for a mate; I wait on Him because He is worth the wait, because I believe Him, trust Him, depend on Him.

He might not do everything the way I would choose – most especially in this area. But His timing will be considerably better than mine – and I speak that in faith. He will bring the blessing when He is ready. And if He is ready, then so will I be.

Nerve.com Launches Algorithm-Free Online Dating Site

Anyone who has crafted a message on OkCupid knows that online dating is still a very unnatural act. You scan the stranger's profile, wittily riff off of their listed interests, insert a few choice questions, and acknowledge how weird the whole thing is (using the words "sorry," "apologize," and "awkward" in your first messageups the likelihood of reply). Nerve.com hopes to make this whole experience less stilted, and on Wednesday launched its new love portal, Nerve Dating.

It isn't Nerve.com's first foray into online matchmaking. Nerve Personals were also intended to "energize the world of online dating" over a decade ago. Rufus Griscom, who co-founded the site, told the New York Press then that on Nerve you'd "be able to go online and say, 'I'm looking for someone who loves Faulkner, hates their mother..." It was "literate smut" for the affluent and college-educated lonely heart.

But the internet has changed in the past ten years, and Nerve is apparently trying to change with it. The new site has no pleading personals, no questionnaires, no algorithms, according to the New York Times' "Bits" blog. Nerve Dating takes the hint from Twitter and Facebook, and allows potential romancers to break the ice through a flowing stream of public updates. You can go onto the page "What did you do last night?" and see if someone's yesterday strikes your fancy. In the "Opinions" section, you can check out other users' thoughts on culture, sex and dating, or other soul-stripping questions, like "The Ghostbuster I most relate to is…"

And if you want to message someone, it'll cost you $20 a month. Sean Mills, the CEO of Nerve, told the Times that the fee serves as a filter that "benefits everyone on the site."

Nerve Dating isn't the first matchmaking site to integrate social networking features. That honor in fact goes to OkCupid, which allowed users to write journal entries, create quizzes, and instant message prospective paramours. Many dating sites have followed. Zoosk, which started as a Facebook app, is run exactly like a social network, and took home $90 million last year. Heartbroker lets you set up your Facebook friends.

Many have pursued the dream of making online dating less awkward. Grouper sets up three girls and three boys with info gleaned from their Facebook profiles, based on the logic that a "social club" is less potentially horrifying than a blind date.

On Grindr, users meet each other based entirely on physical proximity. So your message doesn't communicate, "I'm really into you." It means only, "I'm here, you're here, what do you say?"

In years past, online dating sites vied for domination based on the genius of their algorithms. eHarmony bragged about its 258-question personality test, which is responsible, it claims, for nearly 120 weddings a day. A sociologist devised the algorithm for Perfectmatch.com, while Chemistry.com is founded on an algorithm designed by an anthropologist well-versed in neural chemistry.

These websites took on the role traditionally occupied by families, churches, and clubs. When it came to love, they knew better than you. But the younger set is rebelling against this top-down matchmaking and its invisible mechanizations.

That could be because the younger generation has been raised on social media, and finds the frozen profiles and secret behind-the-scenes workings of many dating sites uncomfortably old school. The majority of the users on eHarmony, on the other hand, are over 35, and are less likely to be fluent in the ways of the social web.

"The story of online dating has become about algorithms and not about having fun with people online," said Mills. "We're moving away from the algorithm era into the social era. This is a dating site that reflects how the Web has changed."

Singles in their 20s and early 30s are also often looking for good times more than "the one," and so prefer the freedom to pick their partners. If these people reach 35, and the instant messages and status updates have failed to garner a true love match, then maybe that they'll admit defeat, throw up their arms, and surrender themselves to the almighty algorithm, too.

Tuesday 2 February 2016

Ways to Rekindle Your Love and Passion for Your Partner

Ways to Rekindle Your Love and Passion for Your Partner

People in relationships have all often asked themselves this primordial question, “Is this all there is?”

When you have about five or six years under your belt in loving the same man or woman, you will inevitably think you have seen everything and done everything. And this question will plague you everyday like an inveterate and incessant itch. It is imminent and more often than not, it cannot be helped–we are all humans after all and not quite proof to boredom and error. However, this errant thought should be treated delicately no matter how normal it may seem, for if you allow it to simmer and boil, you will find yourself unsatisfied with your current relationship.

And that in itself can lead you to stray. So, supposing you have asked yourself the very same question today, is this the end of the road for you? Or can something be done to rekindle the passion you once had for your partner? Is there a possible way to resuscitate your dying relationship? Can the embers of a dead relationship be re-lit? Well, take a look below and see if you can apply these to your current relationship.

MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP NUMBER 1

Relationships much like your prized car need to be maintained; they are incapable of looking after themselves. Seeing as relationships take work and requires you to work on it, allocate and designate some uninterrupted you-me time with your significant other every single day. When the both of you have fallen into a mindless routine, it can be easy to neglect paying attention to each other and inadvertently, it would be easy to fall out of love with each other. Have time for each other every day and you will see how much of a difference it can make.

HAVE A LISTENING EAR FOR YOUR PARTNER

You were given one mouth so that you could talk less and two ears so that you would listen more. Similarly, you should be paying attention to your partner and do listen to what they have to say. Ask your partner how they have been and truly listen to their response. And in this regard, make sure when you listen, you do listen intently–when they talk about their fears, assure them and when they talk about their dreams encourage them. Listening goes far and beyond that just nodding and grunting.

TRULY MEAN YOUR COMPLIMENTS

Sure, you can tell your significant other how great their cooking was while you had a hard time stomaching it and you will notice that they can see through your lie. Take note, you have been with this person for quite a long time, they will surely know when you are fibbing or telling the truth. Instead, give them heartfelt compliments that you truly mean and tell them only when you mean them. Take a moment to look at your partner and voice out whatever it is that you like about them. A simple “Your dress looks nice on you” or “You do such a great job in taking care of the kids” goes a long way and it will definitely make your partner feel appreciated.

REMINISCE ABOUT THE GOOD MEMORIES TOGETHER

When you feel like your relationship is going stale and bland, simply reintroducing yourselves to your fonder memories will make any couple light up. Think back to the day you first met, how you fell in love, your first date and how he proposed. Additionally, list a series of attributes that made you fall in love with them and talk about them with your partner. Sometimes, all couples need is a reminder that they still do have that spark and affection for each other that just got lost along the way of mindless everyday work routine.

Love may be a fickle road. You may experience its highs, but you will also inevitable experience its lows. And though love may not always be rainbows and butterflies, hearts and love quotes it does not mean it is not something to be cherished. In fact, all the hardships one goes through in the name of love makes it all the more precious and rewarding. Although, boredom in a relationship is deadly, it does not necessarily terminate the relationship if you do not allow it to. So, when you feel like you are stuck in a rut, do not ask yourself if this is all there is. Instead, ask yourself, “How can I find new ways to love my partner?”

Saturday 30 January 2016

Breaking Up is Hard to Do, But Possible

When I was single, I became involved in a relationship that lasted about eight years. In the eyes of the world, my boyfriend was a pretty good guy. I readily admit he didn’t leave me much to complain about; he treated me like a queen most of the time. I found our being together easily justifiable. Nevertheless, soon after becoming officially engaged to him, doubt crept into my heart. God began confirming he wasn’t the man for me. Eventually, I found myself craving God’s better plan for my life and tried to break up. However, breaking up, as the song goes, is hard to do!

I’ve reminisced with numerous singles caught in the same mess. They are with their boyfriend or girlfriend because they feel stuck not because they truly want to be. They’ve tried to walk away only to return boomerang style. I understand the seemingly endless cycle. It went something like this: feel conviction, break up, return to his pleading heart, crave God’s better plan, break up, return and apologize to him for ever having left in the first place, begin to doubt, break up…You get the picture.

Are you a Christian who truly craves God’s awesome plans for your life, especially in regards to marriage, but right now you don’t feel you’re capable of making the break? Maybe you’ve already tried severing ties and failed. Perhaps you’re just about ready to throw your hands in the air and settle. Don’t! Simply admitting you need to abandon the relationship is a huge accomplishment! Congratulations! I call the seed of desire in your heart, your want to. I know. I know. Some of you don’t want to break up, but you know you should. You, my friend, have the want to to want to!

By God’s grace, desire became reality in my life. I tested God’s faithfulness by abandoning what could have been a great life with a good guy, and I waited for the Lord to bring me the man of my dreams. God did not fail me. As a matter of fact, He worked such an amazing miracle to unite me with my husband that I’ve chosen to include our story in my book, Single Woman Seeks Perfect Man: Facing the Consequences of Unhealthy Relationships. God’s amazing goodness compels me to share the not so secret formula with you.

To ensure a successful breakup, you must do three things:

First, gratefully accept that the yearning you have for a better future (and a better relationship) is a gift from God.

Scripture teaches that it is God who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose (Philippians 2:13). This means that the desire (and the strength) to wait the right way for your perfect match is a gift from God alone. You must believe that the want to in your heart was put there by God’s loving, gracious hand. Humbly welcome His spirit to continue convicting you, and allow those convictions to thrust you closer to The Gift Giver. Admit that unless Almighty God continues changing your heart, you will continue blindly and foolishly trying to make something so wrong (your present relationship) feel so right!

Next, you must grow your faith.

Without faith, you’ll never risk giving up Mr. Wrong (or Mr. Right) because faith is believing without seeing that God will bring you The One He has prepared for you to marry (Hebrews 11:1)! Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God (Romans 10:17). This means, in order to build your faith, you must read your Bible. You must also pray. Why? Because while reading God’s Word is like allowing His light to shine through windows in your heart, prayer opens the front door and welcomes Him in completely. Faith is only one of the many good and perfect gifts He longs to bring you when He comes into your life (Ephesians 2:8-9). Be completely honest and consistent in your prayers. Begin now, right where you are, increasing your faith by coupling the reading of scripture with prayer. God promises to reward those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

Last, you must act!

Faith without works is dead. You may have heard it said the proof is in the pudding. For you, the proof is in your actions. If you say that you believe God’s plans for your life are better than your own, but your walk doesn’t match your talk, you lie. God waits for an excuse to bless you, but He will not bless disobedience. If God is urging you to break up, you must rely on His strength and do it.

The Lord says, I love those who love me, and those who love me obey me (John 14:23, Proverbs 17:8). Apart from God you can do nothing, but with God you must do something! Obey God and all will go well with you (Jeremiah 7:23). Live for God and He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4)! All things are possible through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13).

This means that for those of us who claim to be God’s children, breaking up might be hard to do, but not impossible. Wait a minute! I know it’s possible because with God’s help I did it, and you can too.